Practicing Awareness of Microagressions

Microaggressions are everyday occurrences, yet most of us do not recognize their existence, or their prevalence. They can take the form of words, behaviors, and actions from someone with or without the intent of harm who may or may not be aware of the harm (Laureate, 2011). However, at the heart of a microaggression is the stress and harm it does to another. While there are people who set out to harm another, the most problematic of these microaggressions are those from the people who mean well and are unaware, as they do not even understand they are harming, thus you cannot fix what you cannot see.
This week was the last week of the school year for students in my community. As my own children finished school before my class, they came to visit our second grade classroom. This became an interesting study in microaggressions, and internalized biases. My children are multiracial, with cinnamon skin with their fathers curls but their mothers texture. They resemble both my husband and I in many ways. As 6 and 7th graders, they enjoyed playing games with my second grade class during recess. One boy came to ask me, "Is that your daughter?" This was after I had already introduced the class to my children at arrival. I reminded him that yes, she was my daughter. He asked again, "but is she really your daughter?" I again said yes, she is really mine, that I am really her mother. He went to her and asked her, "is she really your mom, like she really had you?" At this point my daughter looked to me and asked, "why does he keep asking us?" I explained again to this boy that people come in all different sizes and skin colors, and that we do not have to be twins to be related. He responded, "Well she doesnt look anything like you." Interestingly, the boy who kept asking is a child of an interracial relationship as well.
The next night we went to the local ice cream shop. I chatted with my daughter, helped her decide about her flavor and toppings, and hugged her shoulder as we waited. When checking out, the white clerk (who had just interacted with us scooping the ice cream) went to the cash register to add our total, asked my husband, "Is it just you three, or four in your order?"motioning to me standing behind our children. He told him of course it was all four, and paid. These are not isolated incidents, but a fact of life for so many people. Part of the harm, then, is the accumulation of these microaggressions, and the tiresome daily coping strategies necessary just to interact in our communities (Laureate, 2011).
This week was not the first time these type of incidents have occurred, but with increased awareness I began to see they are much more often than we think about as a family. As an adult, this is frustrating but part of the reality I have come to accept. For my children though, I had not fully thought through how the repeated questioning of their family may be causing them unnecessary stress. Margles and Margles (2010) discussed how this incessant issues with racism can become internalized, and then produce feelings of negative self worth. In my own family, we are able to have specific and recurring conversations around the issue of racism, but I wonder about other students at school. Are there internalized oppressions that have shaped how the boy at school reacted to my daughter? Do my students have enough support at home to cope with their daily stresses, and are some of the issues with students we have at school a product of their internalized oppression resulting from years of unrecognized microaggressions? These are questions that will shape my interactions with the new class of students next year.

Reference:
Laureate Education (2011). Microaggressions in everyday life. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://class.walden.edu
Margles, S., & Margles, R.M. (2010). Inverting racism's distortions. Our schools/Our selves, 19(3), 137-149.