Observing Communication: It is not "okay!"

Observing communication means stopping to focus and listen to interactions without judgement. To truly understand children necessitates setting aside our pride and agenda to hear their messages and communicate our commitment to their interaction through active listening and then reflecting. In short, we must follow the child where they lead (Stephenson, 2009). Often, though, in the midst of a busy day with schedules pressing, 30 kids in the classroom, and standards that must be met, the story a student tells gets rushed, or brushed aside. Unfortunately, when that same child then struggles in the classroom with work or behavior, we bear part of the responsibility for not understanding their needs in our push to accomplish our plan.

The observation I completed this week was in a more relaxed atmosphere within our school. I went to spend a part of the day with our summer enrichment program. This program is meant for students who we consider at risk based on their previous years academic performance, and then is also made available for any student whom the teachers deem could benefit from extra support. Parents voluntarily send their child to this program, which is not required. I spent time specifically with a teacher and former student and was interested to observe her development as well as her interactions with this different group of people. This student is assigned a full-time aide to assist in transitions, independent learning, and managing behavioral interventions to triggering situations based on her disability. During the observation, this student was having a stressful day. She was unsettled, and worried about the upcoming activity. The aide assigned to her move to sit closely to her, allowing her to express her concerns while the classroom teacher could continue giving instructions. The teacher was demonstrating the same technique Kovach and Da Ros-Voseles (2011) noted getting on the child’s level to ensure you and the child are communicating, and to signify to the child they are worth being listened to.

This student’s class was doing an activity that involved water. They were to build an area to run and slide, which meant each child would get wet. The aide repeatedly told this student she would be just fine, that it would be fun, that it was ok. However, each time she talked, the student continued to get upset. The student, whom we will call Tina, was offered a break, and the opportunity to take a walk. Again, the adult in the situation provided choices but they were not what Tina desired. As Kolbeck explained, children will tell us what they need if we are attentive to their communication, although it may not be what we had envisioned (Laureate Education, 2011). Tina struggled to communicate in the way the aide was understanding, so they ended up going outside with the class. One by one they slid down a big plastic sheet covered in water. Many children giggled and shouted. Tina waited obediently her turn and slid. As soon as she reached the bottom she got up and started screaming. “Get this stuff off of me!” Perhaps she had not understood that she would be wet, and that her clothes would be wet? I watched her aide try to talk to her, but again communicating just made her more upset. Finally, the child screamed at her aide, “Stop saying okay, I hate that word! Don’t use that word anymore!” The behaviors associated with this student’s autism were triggered by the word “okay” and each time that word was used instead of comfort, it brought on additional stress. Rainer and Durden (2010) noted teachers must be aware of the power of their word choice, and how what is said directs the interaction in a positive or negative way. In this interaction, the more the aide tried to communicate the more she unknowingly made the situation worse.

At this point, the aide decided it was time to call the parents to have them come get their child and calm her down. Tina had not brought a towel and was crying but at least calmer as long as the aide agreed to stop saying okay. They went to the office, called dad, and let Tina talk to him. It was interesting to listen as I could only observe the child side of the conversation. At one point he apparently agreed to bring clothes and a towel, to which Tina responded “Well hurry, the water is getting me. And this lady doesn’t hear me.” Her tone with her dad was altered, more scared and needy than angry, and whatever he said on the other end she immediately calmed significantly. That is the power of communication, especially with a special needs child. The aide, who later communicated to me she is not someone who normally works with him, had been attempting to listen and communicate but by guiding the interaction in her style, she was missing the important fact that the child could communicate her needs when she felt safe and comfortable to do so. As Kolbeck noted in describing the needs of the two girls, knowing the child meant understanding the one needed a safe listening space, and could play successfully when partnered with another child who needed the same circumstance (Laureate Education, 2011). This type of listening, and the ability to modify our communication based on what the child needs in each activity changes how we interact as educators.

Watching this interaction was difficult as an outside observer, since I was familiar with the former student. Her needs change often, and I could not have predicted the word issue. It was clarifying to watch another adult interact with Tina, and it made me think of how many times I may have triggered her behaviors because I too was not listening to her needs, but instead attempting to get her to cooperate with the class activity. When the father spoke to Tina, he was able to empower her to explain to him what she needed. What I learned about myself was to slow down, listen more, and that in active listening, it may actually be more beneficial to the pace of my class as a whole as I would be more attuned to potential issues therefore possibly differentiating my instruction to make it more accessible and less stress inducing.

Reference:

Kovach, B., & Da Ros-Voseles, D. (2011). Communicating with babies. YC: Young Children, 66(2), 48-50.

Laureate Education, Inc. (2011). Strategies for working with diverse children: Communicating with young children. Baltimore, MD: Author

Rainer Dangei, J., & Durden, T. R. (2010). The nature of teacher talk during small group activities. YC: Young Children, 65(1), 74-81.

Stephenson, A. (2009). Conversations with a 2-year-old. YC: Young Children, 64(2), 90-95.